Realizing why its a hard change from HA to CI

Every now and then I like to experiment with my hearing aid and Cochlear Implant by listening with my hearing aid only for a few minutes, then I switch to my cochlear implant for a few minutes and then I switch to both. And you know sometimes I get the wierdest results. Sometimes I can hear better with just the implant and sometimes I can hear better with both. But the hearing aid never win. Its either both or just the implant.
But anyways, I went to the movies the other day and I was experimenting with them to see which one makes the movie sound best. So I turned off my hearing aid and listened for a few minutes to the movie. And that was the wierdest feeling! It sounds like I don't have sound on the other side. Like all the sound comes in on one side. And that makes me very uncomfortable!! I had to keep looking over to see if someone was talking to me. Its really freaky not having sound come in on the other side. I guess its more of a security thing.
So it makes you think if Bilateral is really a good thing or not and if it really makes a difference. But only someone brave enough would get one. I don't think I would ever want to get another implant....Don't get me wrong, because I love my implant but I think I'm too attached to my hearing aid to let it go. You know? And then you know another great thing about having a hearing aid in one ear is when the battery dies, which is always in the middle of my last class, I can still hear a little bit of what the teacher is saying while I'm changing the battery on my implant. So the hearing aid is like my backup.
And since I'm on this topic.....I have never had someone ask me what that thing was on my ear! People have always said something about my hearing aid but not my implant. I thought people would be asking what that was because its bigger and filled with colors. haha. But that's almost a relief. Because I like it when people think of me as a normal person...And not a disability.
But anyways, I thought I'd share that with you.

Progress

Hey!
Yesterday I had a mapping session. That went ok. We tried to change the program but I didn't like it at all. It sounded too high pitch and mechanical. So instead, we decided to just keep the other program, the one that I walked in with. But since I was wearing it at about 8 o'clock, we moved it to the 12 o'clock spot.
So now I've been wearing just my implant as much as I can. Yesterday I watched a whole movie with just my implant....That may not sound like a lot but for me it is. And whats shocking is that I actually got everything they said! But you know, its really weird wearing just an implant because its like you don't get any sound from the other side. All the sound comes in my right side, so I keep feeling like I forgot to turn on my hearing aid on my left side. And the urge to turn it on is so frustrating! But it really helps to just put the hearing aid in my pocket. So that way, I can't just reach up to turn it on quickly.
But anyways, another thing that we did at my appointment was that we changed the extra magnet to a "half strength" which helps hold my implant on better. Before I had to hold my magnet on with another magnet on the outside. Which got really annoying because it magnetized to EVERYTHING!! I tried to put the magnet on the inside but after 20 or 30 minutes of wearing it, I would get a really bad headache. But now after getting this new magnet, I haven't had a headache and it holds my implant on ALOT better! So I'm really excited about not having to have the outside magnet on. YAY!!
Well I guess this is it for now.

Back into Therapy...

Hey everyone!
Well I don't have much to say at this point. But I had a therapy session not to long ago....and its about time too! My last therapy session was before school started (beginning of August). Once school started I just got to busy and had no time to do it. But I finally put my foot down and got back into therapy.
So last week I had a therapy session and it went great! I think my therapist and my mom was amazed and shocked at how well I was doing with just the implant. And I was too! I was soo nervous about therapy that I was actually dreading it. I haven't been going just with my implant so I wasn't sure how I was going to do. But I actually did well!
Since I'm in school and I have homework and club meetings, we decided to have therapy about once a month or every couple of weeks. So at each session, she would give me alot of homework to do. And whenever we had time, my mom and I would do a little bit. So I'm really excited about how things are going with me and the implant. I've been listening to my music too, so hopefully my goal will be reached before Christmas......I'm hoping!!! (keep your fingers crossed!)
Well I guess this is it for now, I just wanted to let you know what I've been doing lately. Later!

Promise to myself

Well, I made a promise to myself and I plan on keeping it! You want to know what the promise is?!?!
Well I promise that I will work with my implant by praticing on listening to music, and hearing people without my hearing aid. And if I'm successful at doing this....I'm going to buy myself an ipod! Yeah, I know it may sound weird but I really want to do it, beacuse if I get really good at listening to music with just my implant, I can use the "wireless" headphone set for my implant so I'll look like everyone else. I won't have to deal with those big and bulky headphones. Cool huh?!?! Well I'll keep you posted on how I'm doing.
Until then....

September 24, 05

Hey everyone! Well things have been going good here. I've been wearing my hearing aid and my implant and it seems to really help me alot. I've noticed that I can't function very well with just my hearing aid so I always have to wear my implant....which is a good thing!! It shows that the implant really deos help me and I hear better with the implant. Its been about 4 months since I've had this implant and I am still noticing more sounds and hearing more. Like yesterday....it was so cool... I was getting ready to make a phone call and so I turned my hearing aid to t-switch and started dialing the numbers, etc. and in the background I have my music playing kind of softly, and then all the sudden Sharon (a friend of ours) was downstairs calling me. And I immediatly responded!!! How cool is that?!?! I've noticed that I can hear alot from downstairs when I'm upstairs. I may not be able to undertand word for word...but hey - if I can hear you from downstairs....I'm happy!! Okay, well I guess this is it for now, there isn't really much to say but things are going good here.
Until then readers.....

Finally sounding like a hearing aid

Hey everyone, Not to long ago I got remapped and now it sounds like hearing aids! YAY! My therapist, Stacy, said that maybe now I'll be moving alot faster! So thats really cool! You're probably woundering what I mean by saying it sound slike hearing aids, right? Well its kind of hard to explain but it deosn't really sound like a "machine" is on my ear. It's like I can't hear it "working". But It sounds normal, so thats a good thing!!! That probably didn't make any sense but what can I say?!? lol. Well I'll write later! bye!

First Day of School

Hey everyone! Well yesterday was my first day of school. I'm now a sophomore in hogh school! Yay! It went pretty good. I got good classes and nice teachers. So this year should go really well. I made sure I got close to the front in all my classes. I always have to go up to the teachers after class to tell them that "I'm deaf and I wear hearing aids to help me hear. So I kind of need to be near the front to hear better" you know the usual stuff. But you know it would be alot easier if the counceler or the principle would tell all my teachers so they don't look at me funny. You know? But I guess thats what I'm going to have to live with for the rest of my life. thats part of being deaf! But anyways, I think I did pretty well on hearing everyone. I had to wear my hearing aid and my implant becuase I don't really know enough to go completly implant in public. But the only problem I reall had was in noisy enviroments. But I think that is alwasy going to be harder for any deaf person! Okay well I guess this is it for now. And I'll try to post some more later when I have alot more to say. Until then....

AUG. 3, 05

Hey everyone! Well things are going good. I had therapy today and it went great. They said I was doing good but the only thing I really need to work on is reconizing when someone is speaking in the background. For example if I'm working at a table and concentrating on my work...I need to be able to tell when someone starts talking to me with out calling out my name to get my attention. Deos that make sense? So now when I'm working people are going to "pop in" and say something to me when I'm working and I have to be able to respond back to them. So we'll see how that goes this week. Wish me luck!
Anyways, a few weeks ago I went to go pick up my brother from camp and I forgot my batteries at home. That was the first time I had to go "deaf". I was quite angry at myself but then later on I learned that I can put my brother's batteries on. And it works! I'm not sure if I told you this or not but ,oh well! But before that, on the way home I started to write a poem. There was nothing else to do - haha. I couldn't talk, listen to the music or anything. All I could do was sit there, so anyways, I decided to share the poem with you. So here it is...

My Worst Fear…
July 7, 2005

I’m standing there
As the cold from my feet
Shiver up my body.
Feeling alone, and scared.
I watch the world go by
Yet I’m still there,
Hopeless and not sure
What to do or where to go.
A man taps on my shoulder,
And begins to speak but
All I can “hear” are
His lips moving,
Not a sound,
Not even a whisper.
I try to explain that
I’m deaf but
He doesn’t understand.
As he continues to talk
I feel more alone,
And depressed
I stare at his mouth
Trying to read what he’s
Saying but it doesn’t
Seem to help.
More people come and
Still they continue to talk.
No one understands,
No one cares,
They just go on with their life.
Now that’s my worst fear!

I don't know if anyone feels the same about this poem. But after the ride home I began to realise how thankful I am for the new technology we have today! Without this implant I wouldn't be able to talk to my friends, listen to my music - which is by the way EVERYTHING to me, haha - I wouldn't be able to baby-sitt, or talk to my long distance family on the phone. I wouldn't be able to hear anything!!! Now what kind of life is that?? So for all of you new implant users..... don't give up! If you do....just think about the life you'll end up with.
So that's my "pep talk", haha. Well I better go. I'll write later and tell you how this week goes. Until then...

July 25th, 2005

Hey!
Well right now I'm kind of in a "plateau". I seem to be doing ok. I can function fine without my hearing aid... But the thing is that its kind of a hassle to deal with. For example I went on a trip to the Lake Burton. And yesterday we were loading the car and cleaning the lake house. Its like 90 degrees out so my brother told me to take my implant off because of the sweat. That was annoying because I like to hear everything, I don't like to wonder around like a "deaf" person (if you know what I mean). Then when we were out in the boat, I had to be careful because when your hair is wet...You can't put it on, you have to be careful to not splash anyone or make sure it doesn't blow off from the wind of the boat. So to me it was just easier to use my hearing aid. Which wasn't very good!!! : ( But I did use the implant whenever I could. I think it's a "life-saver" to have my brother around (who is by the way also an Advanced Bionics Implant user) because he tells me what I can and can't do with my implant. I always forget, like when we were going to the playground...He reminded me to take it off when I was going down the slide. So I guess special thanks go to my brother. hahaha. Well I guess I better get going. I'll try to keep blogging to keep yall up-to-date!
Talk to you later!

July 14th, 05

Hey Everyone!
Sorry I haven't posted in awhile. But things have been going great! I've learned that sometimes things can sound better if the volume isn't blaring loud! haha. But anyways, right now I'm hearing lots of sounds. I haven't been wearing my hearing aid and so I keep forgetting I don't have my hearing aid on. SO that's GREAT news!! That means I'm getting better! Yesterday I had therapy and I got remapped. Therapy went good! I'm in the middle of stadge 1 and 3! Yay!! Right now I'm detecting the differences between words but I'm not able to tell you what it is. Does that make sense?? So I guess that's what I need to be working on now. I got lots of homework for the next two weeks (next week's therapy is canceled because I'm on a vacation). So I promise I'll do my therapy! Its really important to do so because then I'll be ready for school to start. I hope I'll be able to hear my friends and teachers very well. So keep your fingers crossed!!! As for the remapping....I think we are going to pretty much stay where we are. Because if I go louder, things get distorted, rattles come in, and I don't hear as good. So where I am right now is good!!! Okay, well I better get going. I have to get back to work. : )

Reasons why I wanted this Implant

My hearing was borderline on being a candidate for the Advanced Bionic Cochlear Implant for a long time. But the reasons we were holding back was becuase of my speech. We didn't know if it would go down or if it would even improve. Your probably wondering why I would have such a great voice if I'm deaf but the truth is...its all beacuse of my mom! She was the one who made me go through therepy for so many years. My mom, a therapist, and I did Auditory Verbal therapy till I was like 9 years old. Now thats only beacuse they didn't know I was deaf untill the age of 2. Most people are probably in and out of thereapy by the age of 5 or 6. But my speech and hearing has been going downhill for several months. And we all decided it was time to get it. My mom already had to go through this with my brother, so she already did all the resaerch on which implant was the best. So that was one step less for me. We had already decided that we were going to do the Advanced Bionics Implant becuase my brother had such a success with it. Other things that we really liked about the Advanced Bionics Implants were: the service we get (it was fantastic everytime we needed something or even for an answer to a stupid question we had- haha), we also liked the looks (It comes with a variety of colors, and the processor itself looks "sleeker" and more stylish). So you can tell we are big fans of the Advanced Bionics Cochlear Implant. But anyways, when thinking about this, there were a whole list of things I wanted to get out of it, such as
- hearing all the annoying noises in the enviroment,
- hearing my friends talk in the Cafeteria,
- hearing someone ask me out with out saying "WHAT?!?!",
- hearing people in a resturant and the waiter taking our order,
- and watching T.V without Captions,
I want to hear everything possible in this world!! So these are my goals through this journey of having the Implant. Maybe this will help you make an easier decision on getting the implant.

Getting used to the Cochlear Implant

Hey! Well today I'm sitting around the house, nasty weather huh? But you know everyday I've been noticing different sounds that I don't think I've ever heard before. For example...Dogs....THEY ARE QUITE ANNOYING. haha. I can hear them licking themselves and when they walk. I have to site there and tap them to stop licking its so loud. haha. But oh well. I've also relized that I keep forgeting that I only have my implant on! Thats GREAT huh?? Right now my hearing aid is in the dry-box just collecting dust. haha. I've been leaving it there and going all day without it. Yippee!!! Now at this rate, by time school starts I'll be able to hear everyone perfectly!! YAY! Well I better go. Chao!

Interesting Point about dealing with the Cochlear Implant

Hey!
I was talking to this lady about my Cochlear Implant and she made an interesting point and I thought I'd share with you. She said that the proccess of learning to hear with the implant is like getting glasses. When you don't have your glasses on everything is fussy and when you have them on, you have to learn what the fuzzy thing really was. So with the implant...you may not hear any noise when doing the dishes but when you get the implant you'll hear noises and you have to get used to the fact that the sound is from the water.
And I think that is so true becuase when you get the implant, so don't all the sudden know what each sound is and where it is coming from. It takes time to "train" your brain what all the noises are coming from. So for the new implant users, don't get discouraged, becuase afterall in the the long run we will be able to hear a lot! Hey, maybe even more than the normal hearing people. haha. Wouldn't that be funny?? Well got to go.
Talk to you later!

Today - back to hearing great!

Hey!
Well today I am doing a whole lot better! I haven't turned on my hearing aid once today. In fact my mom has it. lol. I feel really wierd without my hearing aid but I know its for the best!! I can hear the T.V again - thats great news! Today at work I had to cut peices of paper and it was NOISY! Can you believe it?? I never thought cutting paper was going to be so noisy! At school when we were doing some in-classroom projects and everyone was cutting at the same time, I could kinda hear it and thats with a bunch of people. But now just one person cutting is really loud. lol. Some other nioses I have found to be loud is water. I heard water a little bit with my hearing aid, but that was when I was right next to it. And the other day I was washing the dishes and it was extremly loud! That was a shock to me. lol. That was really the first thing I noticed to be different from my cochlear Implant and my hearing aid. Another thing that I noticed to be louder is a light switch. lol. When I turn on a light switch I hear it. I've never really heard me turn on a light. lol. I could also hear a blinker on in someone elses car. I can never hear the blinker unless I know its on, cuz then I listen for it. But this time I didn't know it was on and I could hear it! But thats all I can think of right now...I'll make sure I have the whole list for you to read next time. ok? Well, got to go. Bye : )

Oh and here is a picture of me and my brother. We both have the Advanced Bionocs Cochlear Implant. He has the BTE and I have the new Auria. (up above) We both love it!

Not so good week

Hey! Well yesterday I got remapped. Lets just say it went okay. Before I got there I was having problems hearing. I kept getting this rattling, humming sound. I asked people if they heard it, but we couldn't really figure out what it was. They thought it was the air conditioning, or a boy banging a cup. But I don't think that was it. It sounded like my hearing aid when it got moisture in it. The rattling would get so annoying and loud that I couldn't hear or talk to people very well. I couldn't even hear the t.v with just my implant. And before this noise came I would turn off my hearing aid because I could actually hear the t.v better. But for the past week my hearing went down hill. I wasn't able to hear people without trying to figure out what they were saying, so I got fustrated and I went back to my hearing aid. I know I will regret wearing my hearing aid for the past week. But thank god I got remapped yesterday!! We were trying all sorts of programs to try to get rid of this sound but we couldn't really. But then they were talking about if it was my hormones, if it was me being tired, stressed, or whatever. They said that if your tired, sick, stressed, or hormonal your hearing would change. But that's not for everyone. So that could be the possibility why I was doing do bad last week. But now I'm doing better. I'm working at the office and hadn't turned on my hearing aid once. I could even hear Del, Mary, and Mary Ann (all soft speakers somtimes) talking.But It was soft but I could hear them!!! YAY! I would find myself reaching up to turn my hearing aid on to hear them better BUT I forced myself to not turn it on!
Sunday I did therapy (when I wasn't hearing very well) and I did horrible! I couldn't hear them call out the words to save my life!! My grandpa did it, my brother did it, my Aunt did it, and my Mom did it, I still couldn't understand them. We were thinking that it was because I haven't left my hearing aid out long enough. But this morning I did it, and I almost got 100% on the words. YAY! Skip (a good friend) and my Mom both did it. I was so happy because I'm back to where I was on the first week. We also tried to see if I could tell the difference between the voices. Between a mans voice and a womans voice. I could kinds do it. In't always right but I could sorta tell who was talking. So we'll see if I get it absolutely right later this week. Keep your fingers crossed!!! lol.
So what did I learn out of this?? That if your hormonal, tired, sick, lazy, stressed or whatever...Your hearing changes!!! So don't get frustrated like I did. Your hearing isn't going bad, you just may be emotional.
Well, I better go.......Got some listening to do. lol

Listening to Music for the first time!!!

OH MY GOSH!!! GUESS WHAT I'M DOING RIGHT NOW.....LISTENING TO MUSIC! Yep I am listening to music with my implant!!! YAY!!!! I'm so excited. I put my headphones on to listen to music while I blog and I could actually hear it. I didn't think I would but I did. YES!!! Its hard to understand 100% of what the singer is saying but thats ok!! I love music and I will listen to it whenever I can!! lol. Well got to go to work. Bye!

June 22, 05

Hey! Sorry I haven't blogged in awhile. I "went" out of town with my dad. Okay so it was just a road trip to South Carolina and back, but it was fun. We had to pick up Jonathan's (my brother) new dirt bikes. They are awesome!!! I can't wait to ride them myself. lol. Anyways, today I had therepy. I got a little bit in trouble because I didn't go without my hearing aid last week. Ugh. That's what I really need to give up - my hearing aid. After so many years wearing it, it sort of becomes a habit. lol. But oh well, if I want to get better I have to get rid of my hearing aid!!!!
Anyways during therapy we did some games. They were fun. We played Goldfish and a rhyming game. Goldfish was kind of easy but when we got to the rhyming game, that was really hard. But that was only because I went with my hearing aid all week. Bad bad me!!! And of course you get homework - lol - I have to walk around the house to see what noises I hear (like the dishwasher, air conditioner, washing machine, phone, etc.), I have to play card games - the rhyming game and goldfish games. So I really need to be good and do all that before next Wednesday!!! Well I better get going. I'll blog later. Bye! : )

MY WILDEST EXPERIENCE SO FAR

Hey! You will never guess what happened to me today!!! I was outside with my mom and I was leaning against the car and I looked over the other way (the side with my implant) and all the sudden my implant goes flying off and attaches itself to the car!!! Oh my gosh!! I couldn't believe that happened!! People are always telling me that these kind of things happen but I never thought it would actually happen to me. Can you believe it?? So new implant users - BEWARE! THE IMPLANT IS A MAGNET SO IT WILL ATTACHE ITSELF TO METAL!!! lol.
Talk to you later!

This is me at my 16th birthday! 

My First Day into the New World

On May the 17th I went to get my Cochlear Implant turned on. I was so excited, sad, nervous, and everything you could possibly imagine. But most of all I was happy and very excited. But I will tell you this - if you are getting the implant PLEASE remember this.... Your parents WILL cry and get very emotional. I know this because my mom is a very strong woman, and she will do everything in her power to keep me happy. When I got into this, I made her promise me to not cry because I hate to see her cry. And what does she do?? She cries. She cries a lot. I think all parents would cry a lot when their kid is going into surgery. But just for the record, be aware that your parents, or your husband or wife will get very emotional from getting the news of having the implant to getting turned on.
But anyways, when my Mom and I arrived there we went into David's (my audiologist) office. It was just like any other appointment, we say hi and ask questions, look around, etc. But the first thing we did was that we got my implant out - most people would probably have to sit there and put it together - but you know me...I just had to put it together the day I got it to see what it was going to look like. I put all of my colors on it just to see what they looked like too. lol. And they all looked cool. But we I put it on my head I was sad. Because it was big. It was a lot bigger than I was expecting but I got over that because as soon as I thought about me hearing everyone and everything that "normal" people hear, I was excited!! I just couldn't wait to get turned on. So we got the implant out and hooked it to the computer with this long cord. Then we did some tests to set the volumes right and see if my nerves were "working". Basically in the test, you hear a bunch or sratchy noises and beeps and the computer reads weather or not your nerves were working. Then we did another test for me to tell how loud the noises are. I got this piece of paper with blue circles in a row. From smallest to the biggest. The smallest being the softest sounds and the biggest circle being the loudest sound. So we went through all these beeps and noise and I had to figure out if it was loud or soft or medium. That was really hard for me because I had no idea what would be really loud or what would be really soft for me. But to some people that may be easier. I don't know. So anyways the turning on point was here!!! David said he was going to turn me on so I waited and waited. David and my mom was looking at me wondering what I'm go to do. Finally I asked "was that it?!?!". I didn't even know he turned me on until they started talking a little bit. All I could hear were beeps for every syllable in a word. For example "Jon-a-than" I was hear "beep..beep..Beep". So I was quite surprised when I found that out! My mom was almost in tears, and I was! I was so sad because I was expecting to really hear a little bit off people talking, not beeps!! So later on we went home and we didn't say much because we were still shocked about what had happened.
But it gets better, and I'll tell you the rest in the next time I blog. Ok?? I guess I'll talk to you later!

June 14 - again

Hey hey hey! What's up? Today I had a fun day working. I got a lot of stuff done and for most of the day I went with out my hearing aid. YAY!!! So its getting better. It sounds like the other hearing aids that I've tried (p-4, superos, perseros, otcons etc.) It sounds "roboty" like "Darth Vader" hahaha. But I can function with it just fine. It just takes time to get used to it. lol. That's the part I absolutely hate!!! Waiting....And waiting....And waiting for it to sound perfect. But I sure can't wait for those days to come. Anyways I guess I'll blog again tomorrow. Talk to ya later!!! Chao!

June 14

Well, today I had my hearing aid off. Its hard but its getting easier every time I take it out. I like the looks but the sound is still weird. Right now I have a color cap on it to match my outfit! yay!

Pictures from the first week

The Week of Surgey

On April 14th I had my surgery at Northside Hospital. Suprisenly we were all calm but i think deep down we were all very worried. I mean, I'm going into surgery...who wouldn't be?!? when we got there, we went into this big waiting room and the lady would call us for us to go into a room to fill out paper work, then they would call us again for us to go into another room, I think my mom ended up going into like 4 rooms to fill out paperwork. But I sat in the waiting room with my dad. But then we went into a "holding" room. There I had to change into the most ugliest outfits! And they put and IV in me. And later they gave me this drug (I guess) that made me "crazy" and "woozy". haha. Then it was time to go into surgery. We asked if I can get pictures of me in there and with all my nurses and doctor. And let me tell you, even though I was a little "woozy" I still remeber how nice they were! You can even tell by the pictures. They probably thought I was crazy for wanting to get pcitures but they still did it anyways. So now I got all these wonderful pictures for my photo alblums at home. I would definatly regretted it if I didn't get pictures. haha. But anyways, you'll see the pictures in the next blog. Then I was in surgery. The nurses gave my mom a "pager" that would buzz when I was out of surgery so she didn't have to worry if I was done every 5 minutes. haha. The surgery took about 3 hours. And then I was put into another "holding" room until I woke up. When I don't have my hearing aid in I sleep like a baby, and so I never really woke up completly because I couldn't hear anything. So finally they let my mom come in to put my hearing aid in. And then I was basically forced to stay "awake". haha. I remember when the nurse would try to talk to me but I couldn't hear her and so she finally started writing everything she was saying on paper. So that was very helpful. I also rememeber that I had a little pain. But I don't think I was really noticing it until I got my room and was really awake. I didn't move that much at all. If I did I would get very dizzy and sick. So it took me awhile to get on my feet to move. I remmber it was very hard to go to the bathroom or even to sit my head up. But by that night and the next morning I was able to move a little bit. Some of my friends and family came to the hospital to see me. I thought that was really nice knowing that they were there for me. But then when I got home I didn't do much. I just slept and watched some T.V. Although there is never really anything on when I want to watch T.V. Only when I'm not. haha. But I got lots of cards and gifts from all my friends and family. Then after a few days of doing nothing I had to try to go to school again. I remember that was kinda hard becuase going a whole day in high school and going up and down those stairs all day long ws exausting. But for the first day I think i went for a helf a day and went home to rest. But the next day I was able to do a whole day. I was exausted but I could do it. It just takes time to get back on your feet again. So that was the first week of having my Implant.